Take Away Those Children In Need

Children in Need, X Factor, The Trip



Children in Need (It’s Charity/10)
When I was wee my family always had a Children in Need/Red Nose Day tradition that I have carried on, but now that I am older and more cynical it really isn’t that nice and I don’t want you to judge me for it.

We order take away!

We sit in our warm house and gorge ourselves on the best of grease in a box and watch those hungry unfortunate blighters until we feel bloated and guilty enough to donate. Just a couple of quid mind, not the value of the take away we couldn’t possibly afford that.

But we shouldn’t let cynicism effect traditions, just ask the pope.

If it makes you think better of me this year’s takeaway was pretty poor. We were staying in the countryside you see and the problem with ordering ethnic food in the country side is that there is no one from a relevant ethnicity to cook it. The only Indian that I have seen in the town is an accountant and I am reliably informed it would be counter to good race relations to expect him to be able to cook a curry let alone deliver it. When I once raised the lack of ethnic diversity it was pointed out to me that a gentleman on a neighbouring farm had started breeding alpaca, so I guess things are improving.

Anyway back to the Idiot Box:

This year’s award for the most genuinely amusing skit goes to Coronation Street and Eastender’s who offered up not their usual tongue in cheek musical number but a mini sit-com which saw the inhabitants of aforementioned areas partaking in a cultural exchange. Highlights included an Asian off between the two soaps Indian families, (think goodness gracious me in reverse) and one up man ship between Gail ‘the Gerbil’ Platt and her Eastender’s counterpart on the subject of who married the biggest psychopath.

The news casters put in their usual amount of effort, but it was disappointing to see the male newsreaders take a backseat to the girls. Has Jeremy Paxman ever partaken in a musical number? I would personally donate very generously to see him singing a song of disproportionate joy to his personality.

X Factor 5/10

X-Factor exposed two things this week the first being the train of stupid that is Cheryl Cole and the genuine (as opposed to pantomime) nastiness of Simon Cowell.
Following Wagner’s performance Cheryl Cole decided to unleash some rehearsed fury on Wagner sighting some remarks that he had made to a journalist about her being from a council estate. Whilst this wasn’t the time and the place for grievance to be aired Wagner handled it brilliantly pointing out the unreliability of the British media and talking about her as a role model in glowing terms.

On a separate note they have obviously decided to continue to mispronounce Wagner’s name as some kind of joke, not only is this unbelievably rude it also makes them all look rather stupid as Wagner isn’t exactly an uncommon pronunciation. World famous composer, anyone? I don’t think that even the most ignorant of the panel isn’t aware of this.

Cheryl Cole, the ‘mentor’ of Cher Lloyd (you know the one who raps a bit and was looking slightly relevant at the start of the show). We were led to believe that this week John Lennon’s Imagine was chosen for her to sing by Cheryl, we were also led to believe that Cheryl (as we are with all the mentors) chose the cleaver spiral stair case staging. For those of you who didn’t know a spiral staircase was pertinent as it was modelled on that of the Bank St apartment shared by John and Yoko. Mr. Cowell clearly was aware of this and pressed Cheryl on her reasons for making the choice knowing full well that the choice hadn’t been hers and that she was clueless about its relevance but also knowing that she had to act as though the decision was entirely hers. For anyone still under any illusions that ‘mentors’ actually play much of a role I think this is some more evidence to contradict that script.

The Trip 4/10

I’ve decided. I don’t like it that much. The melancholy drama is genius but the improvised dialogue in the restaurants gets a little tedious.
I’m going to see Harry Potter tonight… Just so you know…