A Boiler Plate Films of The Year List

Roll up roll up for my uninformed misguided opinion on the top five movies of 2010. Having written down my list I then checked out the usual Internet suspects and found to my horror that my list is as uniform as a well-oiled Korean sardine marching regiment. So whilst I have essentially nothing new to add I felt the blog would be somewhat incomplete without the cardinal end of year list. I wont be including much of a synopsis of any of the films because quite frankly you must have been living on another planet (intriguing) or you have been walking around with your fingers in your ears and your thumbs in your eyes (nut job).

Number Five: - Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, 7/10

Are there problems with this film? Yes, there are many but it had something that loads of films this year lacked. An overriding sense of fun. Giddy teenage geeky fun. Enjoyment was further enhanced when I spotted an opportunity for a drinking game to lubricate your passage past the final two evil ex’s (as the film does start to lag a bit by this point). As with all good drinking games the rules are simple: Make sure all players have some lemonade in their glass; Turn on the Film; at each point that a film/video game/TV show is referenced shout out the film/game/TV from which the reference comes; You are the winner well done, your friends must now take a drink. Make sure you have a bucket handy as the references come thick and fast from word go.

Number Four: - Shutter Island, 7/10

Shutter Island is a Martin Scorsese film that somewhat suprisingly, like the film above has a great sense of fun about it. What made this film stand out for me was the strength of the narrative which was almost classical in its approach. That is to say it was a real driven story that didn’t dally for a moment and only ever moved forward. The film was critisised by some reviewers for being as subtle as a brick sculpture of a brick with the word BRICK printed across it a point reinforced by the retro thriller soundtrack. However for me it was the lack of subtlty and straightforwardness that charmed me that was until the last scene which was like being struck round the head by the aforementioned sculpture.

Number Three: The Social Network, 7/10

I reviewed this here http://fluffandtoenails.blogspot.com/2010/10/social-network-710.html I liked it. A LOT. Once your brain adapts to the kamakasi speed of diaologue the film is quick witted and an excellent example of characters carrying a film. Jessie Eisenberg will go on to even better things and I look forward to seeing this film again to catch the wittisisms that whizzed by in the whirl pool of words the first time.

Number Two: - Inception, 8/10

It is a Christopher Nolan film, need I say more…Evidently I should…Will I…No I don’t think so… You can still see inception at some Cinemas if you havn’t yet been go.

Number One: Toy Story Three, 9/10

I saw this in San-Francisco on the day that I was flying out to Sydney and I don’t know if it was lack of sleep, the thought of a 17 hour flight or that I am a big girls blouse (lets here it for 1970s homophobia!) but I found my self getting quite emotional. Not once, a well fained sneeze could have masked that. Not twice, “ooh there is something in my eye,” might have covered that. Three times: “I know she doesn’t look like she would but that girl just kicked me in the knackers.” Four times: “Ok It’s the film, I’m crying at the film. I know it’s a cartoon. What are you doing? No don’t text my dad. And what are YOU laughing at little girl, I’ll give you something to cry about!”

Expert Advice

Christmas TV and all the Trimmings

Ah Television, the saviour of Christmas. The well welcomed distraction from conversation, the cause of argument, the void into which we can stare as we pretend that we didn’t all just hear Grandma fart, the preoccupation that allows for all the beer to be drunk, all the Bailies to be consumed and quality streets to be mindlessly munched without any of the judgements that would be passed on any other day of the year. Is it co-incidence that John Logie Baird, the father of television was himself born like Christ on Christmas Day? Co-incidence? I think not! For those fact watchers amongst you this is a lie but my point stands.

When the Christmas schedules came out there was much condemnation from the tabloids who went ahead and ran their usual “it’s just a load of repeats” stories, predictably targeting their anger at the BBC. I’m not entirely sure what they were after Christmas really isn’t the time for avant-garde television for a number of reasons. One you will inevitably be drunk, Two, you will be talking over it, Three, you will be leaving the room to top up on crackers and posh cheese, Four, If the annual family argument erupts during the program and you are not centrally involved then you need to be able to follow both the argument and the accompanying program. Five, it needs to be snooze proof and must be therefore something so simple that a farmyard animal can follow or a repeat so you can fill in the food coma induced gaps with the memories of last Christmas. It is with this in mind that I don’t have any complaints with the Christmas scheduling except from that old bird spraffing on about sport that was frankly condescending in the extreme.

As always a great deal of this Christmas was given over to the soaps and come boxing day I found myself summarising plot points to family members who must have been napping through previous episodes. I was then asked how I knew so much about what was going on. Having not consciously watched any of the soaps I could only offer cultural osmosis as a rather scary hypothesis for my knowledge. In summery there was a lot of shouting, hair pulling, some guy living in a conservatory, some lass stabbing herself and no one having a particularly merry Christmas.

Channel Four was born to be the channel of the contrarian. It has been living up to this remit less and less of late so it was nice to see that the (once) controversial sit-com Peep Show dominated their Christmas Eve output. Easily missed documentaries gave way to the first Peep Show Christmas special and three ‘best ever’ episodes as chosen by ‘the great British public’ who, if this selection is to be extrapolated from love magic mushrooms and pissing in church. For me the genius of Peep Show is how the characters lead each other from the safe and mundane to the ridicules in so few steps that we could conceivably with only a few poor decisions find ourselves with the making of an episode. For Mark this year Christmas started with the family coming round and ended in the exiting of his Girlfriend, the breaking of a patriarchy and the shredding of a Christmas dinner. To describe the Christmas episode as being a parody of the soaps would be unfair to both as, if played straight, the script could be almost identical to the story lines of the Soap Trinity.

Other noticeable comedy came from the Royle Family whose characters are so enduring that we are more than happy to jump back into their lives once a year for a catch up and Just William which proved to be the turkey in this year’s selection box raising only a brief smile before being turned off mid flow. However I hope this doesn’t affect the progress of the show’s star Daniel Roche who was as excellent in this as in his previous role in Out Numbered.



The final stop of this festive fist of fudge fumble through the Christmas schedule is Top of The Pops. Thank God that the BBC resisted the advances of Mr. Cowell. Yes the show looks frankly a bit cheap when measured against shows such as the x-factor results shows but its classic format and the earnestness and excitability of those that come to perform on what they still class as an institution makes its once a year outing a real treat. Cee Loo Green, Elle Golding, Katy Perry, Plan B and Coldplay were all really great as was Jason Derulo’s wardrobe when he appeared looking like a black Freddie Krueger had fallen into the Tron machine.

I did also intend to include in this post the conclusion of all the reality TV shows that had their finals in the lead up to Christmas but as is the nature of these things who still cares? Not I. For when I tried to recall the name of the winner of X-Factor (let alone the runner up) I found myself heading to Google, a sure sign not to bother if you ask me.

I hope you all had a Happy Christmas and I will be back on a more regular footing come the New Year.

All The Best,

Matt Baker Mates His Sheep, One Direction Are Ploughed Down By Ann Widdecombe who is Being Hunted By Hounds

It’s the weekend, it’s way past pay day, it’s snowing like a “muva fuker” outside (or so I am reliably informed by my brother’s facebook status.) the result of the aforementioned being that it has been a weekend of intense TV viewing. All those jolly festive songs fail to sum up how tedious this can be.

The weather outside is frightful,
The TV is so inviting,
And Since we’ve no place to go,
We can watch a drawn out results show.

This week someone sneezed in the direction of Casa de X-Factor causing all contestants to be struck down by what is known in the biz as the snivels. Boo Fucking Hoo! I’m not saying that people shouldn’t moan about getting a cold. It’s fucking awful and the only way to find happiness in such a situation is to spread your misery by telling people how shitty you feel. BUT there has to be a line drawn somewhere and using ITV as your germy, moaning, woe is me mouth piece has to be crossing that line.

One Direction (who must surely now be the favourites to win this year) performed chasing cars which was fitting for a band made up of five lads who look like puppies. But we all know what happens when you let puppies play on the road, accidents happen and this week’s accident happened over on the BBC where Ann Widdecombe (of backward bigotry fame) got voted off, meaning that the British viewing public will no longer have the option of seeing a graceless homophobe being dragged around a dance floor by a man with presumably enough gay friends to warrant dropping her on her noggin.

Sunday, that was cold. So cold that I watched countryfile. Which always reminds me of Sunday visits to my Gran's, where we would be shushed whilst the weather was on so she could concentrate on the taking of copious notes. She would then consult this book to check the weather for anyone professing an interest in visiting her during the next week. She is a bit of an odd lady but bloody organised, may I suggest a role for her in government, transport secretary perhaps or snow tsar.

This weeks countryfile consisted of twinkle toes Durham darling Matt Baker mating his sheep and spreading his hay. So far so countryside. Next was hunting with blood hounds, sounds controversial? yes? Well not to worry they dodged this bullet by hunting a woman. So, not controversial atall you see.

Next week will be the jumbo x-factor results post Ooo I bet you can hardly wait.

Oh no its a top ten list...

Sorry that it has been so quiet on the blog front. I got a new job and the transition from dole bum to working lad has proved somewhat problematic for two reasons. One, the white devil dust that falls nightly and two, working is tiring, especially when you haven’t done any for months.

Anyway I’m back now so stop the moaning. There are however going to have to be some changes between now and the New Year. Both film and music reviews will be more sporadic in frequency due to the infantilising and broad nature of movie and music releases over the period of enforced festivity.

I know it may be a little too early for a best albums of 2010 list BUT you would be wrong. After having scanned the release schedule I can’t see anything of any merit on the horizon before the visit of the fat fella. So here it is; my top albums and songs of 2010 in, yes you guessed it, Haiku. I’m pretty sure this list won’t match any others out there as it is based purely on those albums that I purchased so I’m sure there are some really excellent albums missing. Feel free to let me know.

Cue the music: den ur du dur du du du…

Albums

Number 5: Yeasayer: Odd Blood


Their Odd Looking Folks
With an eclectic sounding
Ambitious Debut

Number 4: Bombay Bicycle Club: Flaws


Two albums, one year.
Flaws is the acoustic one
Masterful Construct

Number 3: Cee Lo Green: Lady Killers


Motown’s Back around
Cool as you like, though fuck you
Is ruined by curse.

Number Two: The Gaslight Anthem: American Slang


Working Class Rock Music?
Is What they say, I hear punk.
A mature album.

Number 1: Vampire Weekend: Contra


My most played tracks they
Come from this CD who knew
Itunes, it told me.



Songs

Number 1: Katy Perry: California Girls


California Girls,
We’re unforgettable and
I bet your singing.

Number 2: Eminiem ft Rihana: Love the Way you Lie


If feels almost real
Hip Hop so rarely gets close
Production is Fab

Number 3: Foals: Spanish Sahara


“Lads, Do we need a
Chorus,” “I don’t think we do.”
“And that’s the single?”

Number 4: Dan le Sac + Scrubious Pip Five Minutes


Story Telling rap
Understated and touching
Intelligent? Yes!

Number 5: The Drums Lets Go Surfing


Whistle it away
In a car in the summer
You will feel happy.