“I find your interpretation of Nietzsche only slightly less offensive than your choice of film this evening my dear Herr Hitler”

After well over a month with no cinema going, check listing s for the reasons why. I have now attended the flicker box picture show twice in the last seven days. The two films that I subjected my brain to really couldn’t have been more different for the reasons outlined below.

In forming an uneasy alliance between a cat and a dog, a bin man and a seagull and a Lib Dem and a Conservative this is the compromise to which my less cinematically fussy better half and my-self have come. We have given up trying to find films of common ground and instead, upon each proposed cinema trip we swap the role of ‘Film Fuhrer’ and dictate to the other which film is to be seen. That isn't to say we don't campaign for the others approval (Source Code: yeah it sounds like it is going to be like ground-hog day...yeah nothing like Inception...yeah I suppose it must be a comedy & Beastly: Well yes it does have that girl from high school musical in but it is in fact a postmodern retelling of a popular folk tale which tells a story of anti-consumerism triumphing over the materialistic.) Though ultimately the opinion of the dictated over really is an irrelevance even Hitler must have liked to think that his decisions were popular.

Any way onto the films:

Source Code 7/10

I’m not really going to go into the plot on this one as it would put most people off and that would be unfair because those people would be missing out because of their prejudices. Other more positive presuppositions are probably what have kept this film high in the UK box office top ten with what appears to be extremely limited marketing. These presuppositions being namely Jake Gyllenhaal and Duncan Jones. The last time I discussed Jake Gyllenhaal he was flogging Viagra and jiggling his arse on top of Jayne Austin. This time he keeps his clothes on for the entirety and doesn’t even have an arse to flash, being, as it turns out nothing more than half a torso and a bit of a brain. Duncan Jones directed one of my favorite Sci-Fi films, Moon, which was a massively ambitious low budget affair that won something or other when I saw it at the Edinburgh Film Festival a few years back. While he has only acted as director on this project (as opposed to Writer/Director in Moon) many folk such as myself weren’t going to miss out on a chance to see what he can do with a proper budget and I am pleased to say that I wasn’t disappointed.

This film has had to wrestle with constant comparisons to Inception due to them both brushing with existentialism. In my opinion the films are very different and the way that they are being compared says more about the poor (but improving) state of Hollywood Sci-Fi where these ideas and concept led movies stand out so vividly from the action driven turd flinging contest of the Transformer and Resident Evil Franchises. (The Image came with the caption Inception with cats)

Detracting from my enjoyment of the film was the ending which I felt was just a little bit spelt out and a little bit fairy tale and could have been left somewhere in the darkness of ambiguity (alla Inception). However, I could be very wrong in this as on the way home I discovered that me and the long suffering lady left with differing interpretations of the films conclusion which resulted in us driving home with me shouting about Schrödinger’s cat and her reminding me that I never actually finished that particular book.

Beastly 4/10

I would love to say that Beastly is one of those rare films that is its own review. However the world beastly makes the film sound a little too edgy.

For those of you who don’t know Beastly is a high school adaptation of the story of beauty and the beast. The fact that the film is based on a folk tale means that the criticism that the film was predictable falls flat. However to me the whole project seemed to be massively lazy by all involved.

One of the more unfeasible aspects of the film was the role played by one of the Oulson Twins. Her being a witch seeming perfectly plausible compared to her being in high school. I really wish that American high school dramas would start using high school aged actors. It really is very distracting and confusing trying to work out who it is ok to find sexually attractive. (I only come to objectify in such a chauvinistic way because the stories in these films are so predictable that they need little or no attention paying to them).

To this films credit it was a little more dark and a little more moody than I expected and the comic role performed by How I Met Your Mother’s Neil Patrick Harris went down well in the screening I attended but then again this was a crowd that whooped at kissing and squealed with teenage zeal at anything that fit into the Hollywood construct of teen romance. If you are a twelve year old girl who hasn’t seen very many films yet you may enjoy the film but then I would urge you to move onto more challenging fayre rather than re-watching the same drip fed high school drivel for the rest of your years.

Overall the film is ultimately harmless, portrays a positive message but has little artistic merit or ambition.

Love and Other Drugs 6/10

Love and Other Drugs 6/10

After eating Christmas, drinking in the new-year and grazing like dystopian junk food cattle through the intervening period, last night I waddled to my car and drove to the cinema feeling like the filling in a dripping sandwich (one for the oldies). Upon arrival tickets were purchased and I eased my festively enlarged derriere into the allocated slot and spent two hours watching a bit more of two of Hollywood most perfect bodies than I had expected to see. Coveting of thy neighbours’ pop-corn/hot dog/nacho snack buffet spectacular ceased instantly and first looking at Jack Gyllenhaal’s body and then my own, slumped in the cinema’s half-light with belly protruding and jiggling lightly as I chuckled (yes chuckled like a jolly fat man) I realised three things: One, I hadn’t being paying attention to the film. Two, when I was thirteen I could have stayed up all night watching erotic thrillers on channel five and I still wouldn’t have seen this much action and Three, I like crisps (and my girlfriend) too much to ever seriously aspire to sleeping with a Hollywood actress.

(Anyway, the film was actually quite good so I don’t want to fall into the trap of focusing on the nudity or ‘chemistry’ as broadsheet newspapers are referring to it. I have fallen into the trap haven’t I…Yep, I’m definitely in the trap. It’s cold and dark and sticky down here and teeming with perverts and voyeurs. I am now going to try and climb out with words. The first of these words being…)

Bums and Boobs aside this film was a romantic comedy which was both romantic and…wait for it…funny. For a genre that is so prolific in output I am struggling to think of many in the last two years that would pass this seemingly simple test. The humour in the film is sometimes childish and often slap stick but it doesn’t rely on lazy gender stereotyping or butt clenching bawdiness and rarely detracts from the narrative. The laughs give you welcome lifts from what is quite a difficult subject matter somewhere near the centre of the film.

The film follows the relationship of a Lothario (drugs) salesman and his latest crumpet as they first fall into lust, then love and then well let’s not give it all away. Matters are complicated by the fact that Mr Gyllenhaal is heartless and materialistic and Ms Hathaway has early onset Parkinson’s which means that this film could never be described as a Rom-Com Romp (thankfully).

My main criticism of the film is one that may prove to be unfair so go see the film and make up your own mind. I would argue that Anne Hathaway’s character is still mainly defined by her disability. I think that this was not supposed to be the case as she, to the writer’s credit visibly works two jobs and is an active artist but even when her illness wasn’t centre stage it still appeared to be the main influencing factor in her actions. In support of the writers there is a turning point in the film where she meets others suffering from Parkinson’s and is inspired not to be distinguished by her illness alone but in the same scene Mr Gyllenhaal’s character comes to define her solely by her disability and resolves to have her ‘fixed.’ I realise that I am tying myself in massive knots with this and what was intended to be criticism has now turned into a commentary but I hope the semblance of a discussion point is salvageable from the car crash above.

This film was in equal measures funny, tragic and a great showcase of the actors talents. Now, can I give you a promotional pen to go with this review?